We are done having kids. It was hard to admit at first, and it's still sort of surreal to think (empty nesters at 40?? What!)-- but I grow more comfortable with this decision every single day. I want to clarify that this has
Reason #1: We are spread too thin. I constantly worry that Parker isn't given the same amount of attention as Lucy was when she was his age. And it's only going to get harder as they get older and become more involved. I want to be close to my kids, and I worry that that wouldn't be possible if our time were further divided.
Reason #2: The cost. Diapers, clothes, food, Christmas presents, COLLEGE, etc... We don't make a lot of money, and that's not something that is going to change anytime soon. I want to be able to give our children as much as we can.
Reason #3: Planes, Trains and Automobiles. And houses. We don't travel a lot now... Travel wouldn't happen at all, if anymore kids were thrown in the mix; the cost and effort required would be ridiculous. We'd also need a bigger car and house.
Reason #4: Two is hard, three (or more) is impossible. I'm in "Survivor Mode" 95% of the week as is. Diaper changes, feeding everyone, cleaning......I get exhausted thinking about it all. It is daunting. Getting out the door takes two people or two hours. I don't have enough arms, eyes or hours in the day.
Reason #5: I hate odd numbers. I come from a family of five. Do you know how awkward it is to get a table for 5? Or who had to sit alone on the roller coaster? THIS GIRL. I was always left out; and I refuse to do that to my kids. That being said, if we are blessed with a third child, I will feel obligated to have a fourth just to level the playing field. And there is NO WAY I can handle 4 kids. (See Reason #4.)
I'll miss the excitement of getting a big fat positive pregnancy test and preparing for baby; I will miss the anticipation; most of all, I will miss the big belly. I'll never know if I could have had a pain med-free birth. I'll miss the infant milestones and teeny tiny clothes. I'll always wonder what our other children might have looked like. But I know (99.9% sure) that this is what's best for our family.
And, while we're not on the subject at all, can I just say that I hate how much I've neglected this blog.